Super Jill and the Geese of Doom

By Vanessa Wells

Another Storytime Blog Hop is upon us!! Be sure to check out the other stories – links below!!

Some days just start off bad. 

I woke up, groggy, and realized I wasn’t in my tiny apartment on the air mattress I’d been using as a bed. 

I was standing up, tied to some kind of stainless-steel machine, and I really, really had to go pee.  

To be fair, since I started with SuperHeros Inc ™, I’d been restrained a fair few times. 

Don’t ask me why, but the supervillains in this town seemed to avoid outright killing anyone.  

My Arch-nemesis, Alexander Karimov, aka, The Crimson Ginger, was busily adjusting knobs. 

He heard me stirring and scurried toward me. 

“Finally awake?”  He offered me a suspicious liquid, but I turned my head.  It wasn’t actually so much that I didn’t trust him, it was more that I didn’t want to pee on myself in the lab. 

I needed to get out of these ropes and to a bathroom ASAP before something terribly awkward happened.  Could a hero even hold her head up after having an accident in a lair?   I couldn’t remember if that was part of the code of conduct. 

Now was the time when I wished that I’d gotten super-strength instead of the nearly useless super power of truth speak.  Fat lot of good speaking the truth was going to do.

Alex, for his part, looked slightly put-out that I’d refused his friendly gesture – or foiled some sort of plan by refusing to drink.  

I looked around at the lab and sighed.  “Are you trying to take over the world again?”

He chuckled.  “You know me too well, Super Jill.  Or should I call you Jill Montgomery, of 2022 Redbird Lane?”

He’d figured out my real identity.  Which wasn’t as bad as it could have been honestly.  I was an orphan who worked 90+ hours a week.  The only people I ever saw were the other heroes, so it wasn’t as if he could kidnap a friend or family member. 

“Yep, you figured me out.”  I tried not to squirm in the ropes.  “It’s not like we don’t have your real identity on file.”

He shrugged.  “I didn’t intend to go by the Crimson Ginger – that damned paper named me that.  And yes, for your information, this time I am actually going to take over the world.” 

Well he was huffy. 

Ok, time to change tracks.  My little bladder problem was only getting worse. 

“Why take over the world?  I don’t think I’ve ever asked you.  If I had your brains, I’d be curing cancer or creating the next big app.”

He flinched.  “You won’t believe me.” 

I started working on the rope binding me.  “Try me.”  The subtle stains of truth speak wrapped around him. 

“It’s embarrassing.  The other villains make fun of me.” 

I pushed a little more power at him.  “You can’t sound any crazier than The Fiery Fox; she’s convinced that aliens have taken over the brains of everyone in Town Hall.” 

His lips turned up in a tiny smile.  “I’ve met the people in Town Hall – she might be right.”

“I’m just saying it’s a little farfetched.  If you were going to choose one place to invade, why go to Super Hero City?”

He shrugged, obviously not giving a darn.  “I’m just saying her reasons aren’t that farfetched.  But the menace I am going to protect the world from is far more invasive.” 

I struggled not to do the little bathroom dance like I did as a kid.  This was taking too long.    

“If you don’t want to tell me, I can’t make you.”

“No, you can’t.”  Well, I could, but he’d be pissed and it didn’t solve any of my other problems, so it would be stupid.  

I tried another trek.  “So?  Are you just going to kill me while you take over?”

He flinched.  He really was a bit of a softy.   “I didn’t capture you to harm you.  I just didn’t want you getting in the way this time.  It’s too important.” 

“I promise not to make fun of you if you tell me why you want to take over the world.”

He blinked three times, apparently seriously considering.  “Promise?”

“Absolutely.  I swear on my honor as a hero that I won’t say a derogatory word.”  And I wouldn’t, no matter how crazy he sounded.  

He pulled up a video of a flock of geese.  Oh this was going to be good.  If I hadn’t had to pee so bad I would have asked for popcorn. 

“Geese are invading from the north, in far greater numbers than we’ve ever seen.  They produce pounds of feces every day, causing algae bloom in ponds and estuaries.  They play merry hell with flights, as if superheroes didn’t cause enough problems, flitting hither thither and yon with nary a flight plan in sight.  And worst of all, they are currently being controlled by a villainess known as the Ice Queen.  I’ve sent multiple petitions to Super Hero Inc ™ but they don’t care about the ecological impact of the goose population, and the villains think I’m a nut job.”  He finally stopped and took a breath.  “She’s using the geese to spread a bacterial infection that hasn’t jumped to humans, but it will.”  He pulled up a complex mathematical graph that I had absolutely no hope of reading. 

“So, you need to stop her because no one else will.”

He turned back to his computers, neck red.  “Exactly.” 

“It’s too bad that Super Heroes Inc. ™  generally looks down on you guys taking over the world.  Personally I’d never allow a villain to run things.”  I took a breath and asked something that I was dying to know.    “How did you end up as a super villain again?”

He turned back to his computer and shrugged moodily.  “I was ranked 23rd in the hero draft – you know they value brawn over brains, and foresight isn’t an impressive gift.  So I was traded to the villains for two destructor rays and a soprano that can melt minds.” 

I’d met the soprano.  She was a piece of work. 

“That’s awful.”  There, but for the grace of god, went I.  The ‘hero draft’ was a bit terrifying.  My own power of truth speak wasn’t that impressive.  It was mostly good for convincing mad scientists to lay out their entire plan. 

He finished typing something and smiled.  “By the way, I hacked into your work schedule and canceled all of your meetings, rescheduled your training session, and let your dentist know to expect you next week.  You’ve been ignoring your cleaning for three months and that’s just ridiculous.  I also contacted the League of Evil and made sure that they won’t schedule anything nefarious on that day so you won’t have to cancel.” 

I blinked three times, momentarily distracted from my bladder.  I breathed, “That’s incredible.”  His ears went red. 

chrome abstract movement with blue transparent lens on a dark blue background.

“It’s easy.  At least if you can hack into everyone’s calendars and clear space where you need to.” 

“It was still very thoughtful.” 

“Well, I didn’t want to inconvenience you while you were kidnapped.  Seems excessive.” 

I paused for a long moment.  “Speaking of that…you sort of kidnapped me from my bed…”

His face turned into a deep scowl.  “That’s not a bed.  That’s camping gear.  You Heroes need to unionize.  Do they even pay you at all?”

He had a point, at least about payment.  I hedged, “They pay for our gear.” 

I could feel him rolling his eyes.  “I’ll deploy nanobots to your apartment to redecorate.  Really, if you weren’t generally such an efficient Hero, it would be an embarrassment to have you as my personal nemesis.”  Despite the tone, calling me effective was flattering.  Most of what I did was old fashioned detective work in spandex.   Truth speak did come in very handy when you were on a case. 

I cleared my throat.  “As I was saying – you woke me up and I didn’t get the chance to go to the little Hero’s room.  Would you be willing to let me use your facilities?” 

He looked up and his face went absolutely scarlet.  “Oh gosh.  I forgot!!”  He flipped a switch and suddenly my bladder was empty, I had a satisfyingly fully tummy, and my teeth felt freshly brushed.

“What the heck was that?”  I jabbed him with my power harder than I meant to, but I was as curious as a cat and I couldn’t help myself. 

He fiddled with his knobs and keyboards.  “You were in your sleep clothing when I kidnapped you, which was inappropriate.”  His whole face was the color of a strawberry.   “So, I had my nanobots make you a super-suit.  I put in a few upgrades.”

Holy crap. 

“I’ve changed my mind.”

He blinked.  “About?”

“Geese or no geese, you definitely should be running the world.” 

Timeless by T. R. Neff
Desire by Katharina Gerlach
Covenant by Chris Makowski
Autonomous Militarized by Gina Fabio
Pipes by Barbara Lund
From Bad To Worse by Bill Bush
Under Surface Of The Stars: A Story Poem by Juneta Key
Un-Nefer’s Triumph by Kate Flint
Super Jill by Vanessa Wells <<<< You are Here!!

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13 thoughts on “July 2023 Storytime Blog Hop

  1. Very funny! Would like to see a story with these two teamed up. I will think of you all day at my heavily-goose-pooped campus.

  2. Everything about this was fantastic! It felt like the 60’s television batman vs penguin meshed with Dr. Doofenshmirtz vs Perry the platypus.

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