The two cops, Detective Bob and Officer Dobbs circled the supervillain known only as Psycho Shannon warily as she sat, cigarette lit, handcuffed, and completely unimpressed at their interrogation table.
Their hero, The Boyscout, was missing, half the city was in ruins, and Shannon sat there smoking a cigarette which was both definitely against the rules and (Officer Dobbs would later admit in private) perfectly understandable after the sheer amount of destruction she’d wrought in the last twelve hours.
Detective Bob muttered, “You are going down this time Psycho Shannon.”
She shrugged and took another puff, unbothered by her handcuffs. “Not like it’s the first time.”
Officer Dobbs carefully slid a cup of coffee toward the unpredictable woman and mumbled, “If you toss this at me, you won’t see another hot drink until you get to prison.”
She rolled her eyes, but she drank the coffee anyway.
The cops looked at each other and grinned. “Well, now that you have ingested Dr. Insaino’s truth potion–”
Psycho Shannon sputtered, “What? You have a contract with that guy??? When I told you I’d sell you equipment to test for earthquakes the city told me that you didn’t do business with supervillains! I’ve had to run the entire system out of pocket for six years! And nobody believes me when I send out a warning!”
The supervillain shut her mouth abruptly and looked down at the coffee in utter horror, realizing that all of her secrets were going to be laid bare.
“Doctor Insaino better watch his back.” She muttered as she took another sip.
Hey, drugged or not, coffee was coffee, and she’d had one hell of a day.
Both cops sat with their mouths open at her revelation. She snapped, “Stop looking at me like that. Earthquakes are everyone’s problem. Do you know how many times I’ve had to move my evil lair because of insurance coverage issues!”
Technically true. Maybe she could bypass giving the whole truth?
Then she continued, “Besides, I hate seeing people get hurt in natural disasters.”
Damn it. Nope Dr. Insaino was definitely on her crap list.
The older cop, Detective Bob, shook himself like a dog getting out of the ocean. “Tell us what set off this latest round of destruction.”
Hoo boy. This wasn’t gonna be good. She should try to give them as little information as she could until the drug wore off.
She pasted on her signature smirk, “I was hunting Evil Kyle.”
The two cops looked at each other. Evil Kyle was the most dangerous villain in city history. “Why did you have beef with Kyle? And why did you destroy half the city to go after him?”
She took a long drag of her cigarette and laughed. “People like us? We have to have funding. Me? I have a hell of a lot of patents. Same with Dr. Insaino–who I intend to have some sharp words with about who he’s selling drugs to.” She gave the cops a pointed look. “But Kyle’s just a dick who likes hurting people so he gets his mad money via investing in businesses and then choking out the original owners until they have to sell cheap.”
Psycho Shannon took another long drag, the orange light of the cigarette making her eyes look ghostly. Her red lipstick stained the filter, the smoke floated around her like a goddess of old. “If you want to hit someone hard, you take out their supply lines. SO, I hit every business he owned on my way to beat the ever-loving-crap out of him.”
Evil Kyle hadn’t made it to the hospital alive or even in one piece.
She put up one lovely hand and showed off her perfect manicure. “And I also field tested a new product! I think we can rate these babies for just under nuclear warfare – the heat didn’t even budge them and the blood came right off!” She wiggled her fingers happily, obviously still under the influence of the drug.
Officer Dobbs blurted, “But what on Earth did Evil Kyle do?”
Her whole face went cold. “He damn near killed The Boyscout last night.”
The cops paled. The Boyscout was their local rep from the hero’s guild, who refused to see the bad in anyone and had the buns of steel to back up his antics. He dutifully brought villains unharmed to the authorities for proper punishment – no matter how often they escaped.
Psycho Shannon took another drag and put the cigarette out on the metal table with more violence than was actually warranted – which was, after all, her signature move.
“So, last night, Golden Retriever Boy showed up at my place bloody and broken, muttering about how he didn’t know where else to go. I barely managed to get his hulking frame into one of my rejuvenation units before he actually died.” She gripped the table so hard that it bent and she looked surprised and then vaguely embarrassed. “Anyway, everyone knows that The Boyscout is MY nemesis. The more I thought about it, the madder I got, and then Kyle’s goons showed up at my door and I just…lost it.” She shrugged. “I mean, why should I let some two-bit hack who isn’t even a proper supervillain, a guy who got into the League of Evil on a technicality, take MY superhero when I am registered and everything?”
At that moment, a hard knock came at the interrogation room door. A dark-haired man in glasses appeared.
The cops blanched. “You can’t come in here…”
He chuckled. “As Ms. Shannon’s lawyer I most certainly can.”
Shannon, not having engaged a lawyer, craned her head to see.
He looked very familiar.
“Now, apart from Ms. Shannon not being read her Miranda rights…” He slapped a stack of papers on the desk. “I was saddened to find that you also broke twenty-seven other statutes, including but not limited to forcing a confession via a drug that is not approved by the FDA – and thus is inadmissible as evidence. I also have the binding conduct agreement from the League of Evil’s website that states that any action, up to and including murder is permissible in the event that one member attacks another member’s sworn nemesis under guild law – and since the guilds are considered tribal governments after the Superhero treaty of 2027, those laws absolve Ms. Shannon of her public execution of the member formally known as Evil Kyle – who has been stripped of his membership in the League and any and all of the protections that he formerly enjoyed.”
The two cops sat open-mouthed.
Detective Bob sputtered, “She set fire to half the city.”
Shannon watched, bemused, as her new lawyer pushed his glasses up his nose. “And she did so with ruthless efficiency. Not so much as a kitten was harmed, and the property damage is covered under the League’s insurance.”
Shannon shrugged. “That’s why the dues are so hefty. Also, that property technically belongs to me after my defeat of Evil Kyle, but I intend to offer it to the original owners at bargain basement prices to preserve the local economy.” Shannon’s eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her handcuffed hands, pure panic on her face.
Her lawyer took the keys from the numb fingers of the local cops, who looked like they’d been promised a trip to the ice cream store and found themselves at the dentist instead.
He leaned over and delicately unlocked her hands. “I don’t think there’s anything left you can charge her with. Are we agreed?” The two officers nodded dumbly. “Now if you gentlemen will excuse me, I should get my client home.”
He walked her out into the night via a side door.
She pushed him against a wall in the alley. “Who hired you? You are too good to be working with the League.”
He smiled down at her, unbothered by the fact that she was holding him off the ground with one arm.
“Well technically, it’s pro-bono.”
He reached up and took off his glasses, revealing the sweet face of The Boyscout.
